Guilt

I get it - the title isn't the most exciting. No one wants to feel guilt. No one wants to have that pain in their mind and heart. And yet, it happens.

Certain pieces of my life lately have caused me to struggle with guilt. I don't plan to spill my guts and say why. I'm sure that will start the minds of gossips thinking and assuming... Thing is, my struggles are between me and the person(s) it affects, not the world.

To be honest, most of it is me taking on guilt that I should not. Guilt is not easy to shake, even when it is something you know you shouldn't carry. It is easy to think, "If only I had responded differently, or "If only I had not allowed myself to be controlled in such a way" maybe things would be different.

I'm still learning how to take responsibility for my actions. I'm also still learning that when you love and love deeply, you do and say things that don't matter when the other person is not willing to change. I cannot carry their actions and think that anything I would have done differently or said would have changed them.

When Jesus changed people, it was because they wanted to change. Yes, He loved them and showed them His life, but the person was at a point in his/her life that he/she wanted to change. If the person clearly states they don't want to be different, that is not on you. And yet, once you have tried, often it is easy to carry guilt that you didn't do enough.

This morning I woke up to a post on Instagram by Aussiedave, a pastor I follow who posts with Hebrew understandings. His post I saw today said, "Why do we so often keep repeating the same mistakes?"

As I scrolled through this is what he taught:

We all know how to change our behavior.

Changing what we believe about ourselves is much harder.

Have you ever promised yourself: "That's the last time I'll do that"... only to lose your temper again?

Or checked your phone again?

Or believed the same lie about yourself.

I'd always assumed the miracle of Exodus was getting God's people out of Egypt.

Now I think the harder miracle was getting Egypt out of God's people.

Standing in Egypt, that thought wouldn't leave me.

The Hebrew name of Egypt is Mitzrayim. While its exact meaning is debated, it's commonly associated with the idea of a narrow or restricted place.

I think that's interesting because Egypt didn't just restrict where the Israelites lived.

It restricted how they thought.

Slavery changes the way you see everything.

You assume people won't change.

You expect the worst.

You stop believing freedom is even possible.

That's why God's people kept looking back as they left Egypt.

Even after God set them free, they still thought like slaves.

Doesn't that sound familiar?

One bad day... and we think we've failed.

One setback... and we assume we'll never change.

I believe that's what Jesus is still doing in us.

Not simply forgiving our past... but patiently teaching us how to live like people who are already free.

God wasn't just leading Israel out of Egypt.

He was teaching them they didn't have to panic every time life got hard.

They didn't have to keep looking backwards.

They could finally trust Him instead.

The next time you catch yourself repeating an old mistake... don't assume you've failed.

It might be another opportunity for Jesus to teach you what freedom looks like.

He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to set the oppressed free.

Luke 4:18

That's a story I believe and hold on too. Even when I look back to Egypt and question myself, I can KNOW that I have a God Who loves and cares for me enough to walk me through it all again. He has not, and will not, give up on me. He continues to teach me what freedom is really like and allows me to reach those who want to be free.

So... when the guilt of "what if" comes my way, I will remember that God is in the middle of it. He knows my fears, He knows my struggles and He still loves me. He will give me peace and understanding in the middle of the storm.

Friends - if you are carrying guilt today - know that He brings freedom for it all. Believe that He loves you no matter what. Believe that you are worth everything to Him, including the life He gave up.

YOU are Loved, friend. You have no reason to hide...

Rose