Honest

I've gone back and forth about writing this, but it is on my heart so I probably should. I have been questioning this past week if there is something wrong with being "too honest." Obviously most people are taught not to lie... Can being too honest be just as hurtful as telling someone a lie? Are there times when we really should not be honest?

At work a couple weeks ago I was involved in a 16 hour (4 days of 4 hours) training to learn how to carry on a "Crucial Conversation." We (hopefully) mastered the skills needed to address an issue with key words and guidelines that should help keep a conversation from getting heated and blown out of proportion. Good skills to have. I hope I can remember them and use them as difficult conversations are thrown my way.

That being said, everyday relationships are much more challenging to navigate, in my opinion. Best friends should be able to say to each the truth in love and walk through the issues at hand. If it is as simple as, "That color really doesn't look great on you. Might not want to wear it again" no one should get upset. If it is a more difficult conversation, "I'm not sure this guy/gal you are seeing is the best influence on you" it might be a bit more challenging to walk out the conversation. Hopefully friends could get past the hurts and listen to one another during the process.

My struggle comes when the relationship/friendship is not as grounded in time as a "best friend" would be and you feel like you should say something, and yet you know if you do it could be taken the wrong way and cause hurt or pain and then the friendship is gone. Or, you have kept a secret from someone for a long time and feel like you should be honest and then they get upset because you kept it from them too long.

I can't go into details, but I have had both scenarios in my life. I walk away wondering if it really was the best thing to be honest. It makes me want to keep living life as I was and not say anything. Losing friends is not easy, especially when it feels like it was because you were being honest. The mind spins and says, "But I thought that is what we are supposed to do. Honest is the opposite of lying and I don't want to lie, so I need to be honest."

There are definitely ways to address a difficult situation. Tone of voice, words used, timing and place... Truth often can't be blurted out, especially in anger. And yet, sometimes, even when you approach the conversation in love and with all the right tools, the other person doesn't know what to think and then...

My gut says that honesty is always best, and when it is handled properly the friendship should be okay. It definitely takes both parties to walk out the process to keep the relationship strong. Sometimes honesty will cause a friendship to fall apart. That is when it hurts. And that's when I question, "is it worth being honest?"

Due to some of the traumas I have faced, I often am too honest. And then I over explain everything. It is something I am working on learning how to temper. A process that is proving to be quite the journey. I do believe that the more honest I am, the more I find freedom and healing. My struggle is learning to be honest in a way that doesn't hurt others.

There are many verses in the Bible about honesty. Here is one that stuck out to me today.

Proverbs 12:22-23 says:

Lying lips are an abomination to Adonai,

but those who deal faithfully are his delight.

A cautious person conceals knowledge,

but the heart of a fool blurts out folly.

As we can see, God doesn't like lying lips. And yet, it also says that a "cautious person conceals knowledge." So, there are times when information does not need to be revealed (immediately). Finding that balance is soooooooo hard. Knowing the moment to share and be honest about something is difficult.

I pray that as we walk through life, we can ask God to reveal to us when, where, and how to say the truth in LOVE. That we can be honest with one another even if it might hurt. That we LISTEN to truly hear what the other person is saying and do our best to accept an honest word with LOVE. Give us wisdom, God, to speak Your Words and Truth.

Love and blessings,

Rose